How to Not be a Victim and Become a Victor Instead

37955770-501D-40B5-B15A-604EDE877A7CHave you ever been around someone who seems to always have something going wrong in their lives? Or maybe YOU feel as though the world is constantly on your shoulders and likely drag people down with you, intentionally or not?

This is something I’ve been meaning to write about for quite some time. It’s something I’m passionate about, which – in turn – makes me nervous. Instead of expressing my thoughts on the topic, I’m scared of getting carried away and going off on a rant– and let’s get real, no one wants to hear my rants.

Not Ranting, Just Enlightening (Kind of)

Having a victim mindset is something that will not only drag you down, but will also put a damper on everyone around you. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not be the dark cloud in the room. Think of how you would ideally like people to perceive your attitude: Do you want to walk in a room and people dread what you’re going to say because they know some sort of negativity is going to escape your mouth OR would you rather people be genuinely happy to see you and start a conversation for the pure intentions of hearing your insight?

Obviously, most of us want to not only be liked, but respected and admired. So why is it that some feel the obligation to rub their negativity off on others? I’m asking you, but it’s actually pretty simple: “Victims” want you to feel bad for them. They probably won’t do anything to better their situation so they continue getting the negative attention they desire. This learned trait is negative thoughts and feelings that derive from constant churning.

Unfortunately, it’s something I’ve witnessed with people who are near and dear to my heart. It’s taxing for everyone involved but fortunately, I don’t believe it’s something that can’t be changed. With a little self-realization and encouragement, like most things, you can work to alter this mindset and ultimately live a better life.

Become a Victor, Not a Victim

Do you often blame other people for your outcome?

If you find yourself repeatedly blaming others for the situations you’re in, try and readjust your thinking: your circumstances derive from your choices.

We all have our good days and our bad ones. On my worse days – admittedly – I’m sometimes resentful and even angry towards my lack of wealth: “Why didn’t I come from a rich family? My life would be so much easier!” or “If only I had enough money, I could travel more and be so much happier!” and, okay, not all of it’s money-related… “Why did I get these annoying genes- can’t I have naturally straight hair?! My white-girl ‘fro is NOT cute.”

It’s fine, guys. When I realize I’m beginning to play the blame-game, I realize that yes, maybe some things in life would be easier if I had a few extra zeroes in my bank account, but in the end it’s MY life and my future is dependent on ONLY myself. Once you embrace that, the decisions you make will be pertinent, satisfying, and rewarding (‘fro and all).

Are you a pessimist?

If you truly expect the worst, you’re negativity will show through and, eventually, others won’t want to be around you. Try and overcome your pessimism by focusing on the possibilities instead of the impossibilities. Rather than looking at your obstacles and dreading them, think of how you can (and will!) overcome them.

For example, my lease is up in a couple months and I found the perfect apartment to move into. It was a total upgrade with an ideal location and a great price… until they raised the rent $200.

I could just sit here for the next month pouting, complaining, and pitying myself, but instead I made the intentional decision to mentally jump ahead two months and envision myself in a different apartment to instill excitement and hope into my otherwise disappointing situation.

Do you sometimes refuse to analyze the situation?

Does any of this sound familiar? Have people told you before that you’re thinking may be self-harming? Let me guess, you’re probably not too fond of those people, are you?

At this point, you’re refusal to analyze your actions should be pretty clear. This is when you should take a step back and make a conscious effort to understand that your life is in your hands and no one else’s. No one is out to get you. No one wants to punish you for no reason at all. The universe doesn’t hate you and no, fate doesn’t want you to fail.

Understand that shitty things happen to EVERYONE. We all have things we’re going through, I can promise you that. And while trials and tribulations aren’t the best parts of life, there would be no journey without them. So do yourself the biggest favor you can and embrace your actions, your circumstances, and your white-girl ‘fro!

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4 responses to “How to Not be a Victim and Become a Victor Instead”

  1. I love love love you Jordy!!! Keep it up you beauty!!!


    1. Love you Robyn!!


  2. You are wise beyond your years Jordy. And SO right. A long time ago rockabilly Carl Perkins once said to a reporter, “If it weren’t for the rocks in it’s bed, the stream would have no song.” I learned that saying when I was in grade school but really couldn’t comprehend the magnitude of its meaning. Now 50, it has become my mantra 😉 Sing your own song when you’re ridin’ the rapids of life!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Maureen Scanlon Avatar
    Maureen Scanlon

    Great job Sunshine! The bottom line is that victims don’t see themselves any other way and they thrive in chaos they create. One thing I know is there is no success without failure. Change has to come from wanting something different and nobody can do it for you. I love you and I’m sorry about the fro…:) ❤ mom

    Liked by 1 person

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