There, I said it. Ghosting – in certain circumstances – is perfectly fair. Before you assume I’m some sort of selfish, dismissive person, hear me out.
Those of us who have been part of the dating scene for the last couple years have probably encountered this phenomenon. You know… when you meet someone, exchange numbers and a few texts, then suddenly all one-sided communication has been ceased without warning.
Whether you’re the victim or the culprit of the situation, ghosting has become a norm in modern dating. And while no one wants to be ignored, I believe there are worse things that could happen.
Here are 2 instances when ghosting is okay and how to move forward:
You’ve Only Been on a Couple Dates
I’m not going to lie, I’ve had my share of ghosting people. While I’m a full-believer in communication and speaking your mind, I also feel in certain instances, going AWOL is the favorable choice. One of these instances is when you’ve only been on one date and there was clearly a disconnection.
You’ve maybe exchanged a few texts or met on a night out and decide to meet up IRL. While on your date, you realize there’s a lack of connection and further interest. The decision has been made. Noppity, nope.
As soon as you realize the attraction isn’t there, leave the date as soon as possible. This will already send the message that you’re not interested and have no desire to spend more time with them.
After the date, instead of having an uncomfortable conversation with someone who is practically a stranger, you have the option of completely withdrawing.
While this option may seem rude and inconsiderate at first, your date might be thankful and relieved you decided to take that route. Having a stranger dwindle out of your life rather than bringing up an agonizing conversation that emphasizes awkwardness and rejection is much easier!
When Being Direct Isn’t Working
If you DO decide to have the dreaded parting conversation early on, be sure to ask yourself if you were clear, direct, and honest with your date. Don’t make up excuses. Rather than declaring you don’t have time to date, or you’re “not ready,” simply state there’s a lack of compatibility and move on. This could also potentially prevent future confrontation if you do find someone special a short period after.
If you believe you were distinct and transparent with not wanting to progress the relationship any further and your date proceeds to contact you, you’re not at fault! Try restating how you feel and if they continue reaching out, there is nothing wrong with not responding. Your lack of response will probably be the most unmistakable gesture of rejection.
Finding the Good
While it’s never fun to be ghosted, being the ghost-er can also be stressful and may result in feeling some serious guilt.
After I go on a “bad” date, I always try and find what I learned from it. Maybe it’s that I realized I should have asked them if they would be willing to do the things I like, or maybe I should have been straightforward before meeting and asked how tall they were (come on, we’ve all been there).
But most of the time, I discover what I am not looking for in a partner. Grasping what you don’t want in a relationship is just as important and beneficial than knowing what you do want.
Ask yourself what you didn’t like about your date. Was it something about their appearance? Their lifestyle? Did they speak to you with respect?
Remember you’re allowed to be picky and you have all the authority of deciding who you want to communicate with! Being choosy results in less time wasted and helps you understand your worth.